I am one of life’s problem solvers. This is not actually a good thing in most cases as the problems I try most hard to solve bear little relevance to the rest of the planet, like what’s behind the back of that row of terraced houses? You could fit a submarine in there I reckon. I once designed a load of textiles that only looked good whilst standing under sodium street lamps and the weird amber cast of the lighting would cause colours to shift strangely. Some of them turn up I my artwork, like how I believe the four faced clock I often see is powered by a tiny little person, that made it into one of my colouring books, it makes perfect sense… Well, to me anyway.
None of the problems I try and explain have any practical use and only serve to give me a bloody big headache. Like this old chestnut…
If you know someone and every other person in their life is utterly vile, then what does that mean? Does that mean that they are vile too and that logic dictates that I must be also? Or are you the exception to the rule? The sheer fact that I am no longer part of that person’s life would therefore mean that I didn’t fit into their life because I am not awful. Personally, I like that theory, it makes me come off rather well I think. But how did it explain that I was there in the first place? The most common theory amongst my friends is that I was being sold a lemon, so to speak. That the person in question was making a concerted effort either not to be an arsehole or to cover up that they were. Both of these theories explain the blip of associating with a non arsehole for a brief amount of time.
As you have probably picked up by now, I do not want to be an arsehole but I am worried that I could be. There are definite bottom orifice traits in my close relations and I am always terrified that they could be in me. I have in the past sent myself back to my ex therapist to have a quick check up if anything bizarre happens in my life, just to check that I am ok. So far I have always been found to be perfectly level, if a touch perturbed by whatever had occurred to send me there. Apparently, the last thing someone suffering from either, narcicism, severe personality, delusional behaviour or any of the other things that would be indicated by acting like a complete arse, would be to worry that they were.
On their best behaviour for a short while seems to be the most logical working theory still…
There is another one though, which is that this person was actually some kind of strange alien from another planet or a demon from some hell dimension and that my association with them went awry because there mask was about to literally slip off at any second. This could explain the associations with other monsters quite nicely. Or it would if it wasn’t an impossibility.
Arthur Conan Doyle said through Sherlock Holmes that, Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth. So I guess that means the ‘best behaviour’ theory is the one to go with.
Pity though, I liked the idea of demons in human guise, it would explain a lot of things in the world.
Anyway, you can buy that colouring book here.
https://www.etsy.com/uk/listing/221170852/st-leonards-on-sea-colouring-in-book
Christopher Hoggins Artist 
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